East Bay Heritage Quilt Show, Richmond

"What I have to do is get in my bed and lay down. I want to fix on something harmless in this world."'
"What world you talking about? Ain't nothing harmless down there."
"Yes it is. Blue. That don't hurt nobody. Yellow neither."
"You getting in the bed to think about yellow?"
"I likes yellow."
"Then what? When you get through with blue and yellow, then what?"
"Can't say. It's something that can't be planned."
Beloved, by Toni Morrison

David Byrne on the new sin of Hope

I went to an art show recently of Drawings by David Byrne and Dave Eggers. The show was crowded and overwhelming but the drawings of animals were clever and cute and so I stayed and walked around awhile. The first thing I picked up was this book, "The New Sins" by David Byrne. It lists and explains sins we commonly mistake for virtues. (According to Byrne's website, the book was "originally placed anonymously in hotel rooms during the 2001 Valencia Biennial" and then later placed in light boxes in bus kiosks in Syndey and Toronto.) When I read this passage on Hope, I knew I would have to stand in the twenty minute line of hipsters and journalists snapping up Dave Eggers' drawings, hoping to be seen as cool and ironic. I ignored the drawings and bought the book, which I quote here at length:

Hope

(....)

Hope allows us to deceive ourselves into thinking that life is parceled into discrete chunks -- that our lives are stories with beginnings, middles and ends. That there IS narrative, linearity, and not chaos, chance and luck.

Chaos is beautiful. Hope deceives us into thinking that it is something evil and unnecessary, something to be avoided at all costs. Hope is therefore a way of keeping people blinded, ignorant, and servile, ignorant of the true and mystical beauty of the universe, a universe which is meaningless and amoral. Hope and its handmaiden, Science, maintain that the universe is governed by Laws.

The laws of gravity, of thermodynamics, of motion, electromagnetism and mathematics have been proven time and time again to be only temporary frameworks and support structures. However, these laws, every one invented by men, are merely diabolical scenarios that need to be revised every century, sometimes more often than that. They reflect hopes and faiths that matter will indeed fall, cool, still and eventually disperse. But if we are continually dismayed, it is only because we have not come to love hopelessness. We have not accepted the Beauty of the Universe.

from flowers to BP and back again

There is a bug in the machine.

According to A People's History of American Empire, by Howard Zinn, British Petroleum was established after the CIA and British government orchestrated a coup to overthrow Prime Minister Mossadegh in Iran in 1951 for nationalizing Iran's oil. In his statement, Mossadegh said, "My only crime is that I nationalized Iran's oil and removed the network of colonialism and the political and economic influence of the greatest empire on earth." Immediately following the coup, the Anglo-Iranian oil company was renamed British Petroleum. U.S. Oil got 40% cut.

Images of Spring

i am obsessed with this old man who walks with a mug of coffee in one hand and his princess of a chihuahua on a leash in the other each morning to the Glen Park BART station to get his morning paper. i had been wanting to take a picture of this flower for days and was lucky enough that the old man walked by just as i was taking the picture so you can see the little dog in the distance on the left. she raises her feet with each step and looks about nervously but is so devoted to him. it's beautiful. and he could get his paper delivered, but he doesn't. he takes her for a walk and gets his paper just to take in the morning scene, or so i imagine when i narrate his life as i walk behind him everyday.

this flower reminds me of this article by Nancy Kreiger called "Epidemiology and the web of causation: has anyone seen the spider?". It talks about old conceptions of disease causation as lacking an agent - African-Americans have higher rates of blood pressure but, she says, quoting Charlotte's Web, "where's the spider?" - as in - who is creating the social conditions that create this higher blood pressure? who is invested in and benefits from the structural racism that causes this higher blood pressure? surely, it is not just a matter of what she calls biomedical individualism, of people making poor food choices. so she proposes a model that looks a lot like the shape of this flower as a way of thinking about how problems have root causes that branch out and cause other problems, until finally you can't see from where a thing once came. it struck a chord in me many years ago when i first read it (thanks to my friend and mentor Lisa Moore at SF State) and reinforced my commitment to the upstream orientation of public health: rather than pulling people out of the river, let's go upstream and see who is pushing them in...

Noticias del Dia de Los Muertos

So much to keep track of these days. It's all I can do to keep it together. This Day of the Dead reminds me to honor my dear, departed friends by living. So, before the political gossip, let's talk about Self-Care. Every year, fall comes and turns my world upside-down, and every year I vow to be more grounded come the next fall... For whatever it's worth I do feel like I'm making some progress in that regard. This week, I read an interview with an old musician (whose name of course I can't remember). His advice: "Take care of yourself!"

What does self-care look like?
* Going for walks in the morning, or at lunchtime around the E. Bay. Went for a walk today around the new weird gated campus at my new office. Will need to do some more exploring in these coming weeks and days...
* Cooking at home as much as possible. Thanks, Erock, for the hippie taco inspiration, which lives on. (Recipe is simple, cook onions, garlic, kale, corn, cumin, add beans, heat tortillas, and serve!)

* Steering clear of sugar, wheat, flour (except corn), dairy, and other unprocessed foods (and of course meat).

* Talking, writing, creating, lesbian processing, maybe watching Glee or Rachel Maddow!

Okay, and speaking of Rachel Maddow, there was a great moment when she told this creepy lobbyist guy that he was a parasite on the American people!!! A true highlight:

Other highlights: Governor Schwarzenneger's not so coded

veto letter to Tom Ammiano (hint: the first word started with an "f", the second word started with a "you.") Well, Assemblyman Ammiano did tell the Guv to "kiss my gay ass" after showing up at a gay fundraiser when he'd oh-so-cavalierly vetoed the *entire* state HIV prevention budget.

And, after all of our trepidation about the prospects of voting for Gavin Newsom for Governor of California, he has dropped out of the race! If only Sarah Palin would do the same before 2012. Otherwise, Nurse Palin will reign supreme, as illustrated by my fabulously gay neighbors down on Arlington St.:

In the meantime, here are some pics from Mission St. on Halloween to put everything into perspective:

Change is the only constant

I am reminded again that change is the only constant. Some highlights:

1. New nephew this week, born 9/30! Can't wait to meet him next time I'm in New York!

2. Nine laid off co-workers had their last day this week. I made a card for each of them.

3. Tsunamis and earthquakes and typhoons in Samoa, Indonesia, and the Phillipines.

4. Dear friend leaving the casa where I live. Not sure yet who will move in.

5. Due to budget crisis etc., my new commute will be 1.5 hrs. each way. If you have books to recommend during my longer train rides, let me know. I just finished reading George Soros's book on the 2008 financial crisis (which, at least in California, is not yet over). My favorite quote from the book, which sums up so much about this moment: "The fact that state intervention is always flawed does not make markets perfect."

I am reminded also of this tattoo idea I've had for a long while, about the question of strength, and whether it means dropping anchor or setting sail:

I am reminded of two wristbands a friend made me once, of the distinction between holding tight and letting go:

Addendum: A good friend has breast cancer, and could use some support. To contribute to costs for acupuncture, etc., please go to https://www.paypal.com/ and give to anandiwonder@yahoo.com.

More on the Gavinator

Today's SF Chronicle has a great chart fact-checking the claims Newsom is making on the campaign trail for California governor: Getting Real About the Mayor's Claims.

And in case you missed it, be sure to read the New York Times Sunday Magazine's great article about all the candidates: Who Can Possibly Govern California? On the Coast of Crazy.